dO wHat?! [entries|friends|calendar] Jennifer Danielle [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

..first cut is the deepest.. [25 May 2005|01:17pm] [ mood | recumbent..whats that?! ] hey guys! been a while, huh? well, i got a new journal and for some reason I dont feel like writing in it. I really dont like the name of it..tearfulgoodbye. I guess I kinda dont like if just because im not saying goodbye to anyone. I mean I was but then, I said "hello" again! lol, im weird but who really cares. Man my life is so eventful right now. Its weird because everything that happens to me, happens at once. I mean my mom found out about that party that I went to and I was like.."oops" lol, im not very good at keeping secrets so I guess she was bound to find out. Ive been grounded for like two weeks and it was AWFUL!!!   Its over now so its ok. I just got off groundment (lol, that silly word..steph i guess youve never heard it but live it.. learn it.. be it! lol) Anyways, it was two weeks of hell and there was fire everywhere.  I mean then God just decided to burst the pipes in my basement and kill the fire and then my basemnt flodded..literally. well, maybe it didnt flodd, maybe it flooded. WHO KNOWS?! Steph has been coming over my house because she doesnt have a ride home, that silly friend user! Nah im just kidding, its been so much fun, watching Oprah and Dr. Phil. We havent hung out in a long time so its been real fun. That just sounded really corny and cliche but ya know what..I dont care. On Friday after school some guy was humping a car and I taped it, halarious. But anyways, On Monday when I wasnt grounded, I went to Incarnation to watch a portion of  Brooke's game and then to watch Stephanie and Kayla's game. It was really fun, I mean it was just all of us hanging out. Stephanies mom is such a sweetheart, i love her to death. ANd she is the cutest thing when she laughs, she seems liks she doesnt laugh too much so I like when we make her laugh. But anyways ..one of the funniest the funniest things was when I grabbed the back of Mitchs' pants and he turns around and says "stop flirting with me" and then he started poking me and then i say "your flirting with me!" but it was too funny, i thought so. But Addison came over afterwards and we watched "A Goofy movie". I love that movie so much and I hadnt watched it in years. SO anyways it was pawsome (awesome, oops) because I hadnt hung out with Addison. BUt everything is going good with me & that good ole boy so im perfectly content. Today was so much fun! its like, ahh i just love it. I mean last day of school, its just way cool. but hey guys im gonna head outta here, I waanna see some comments. lol, love yall... aRp & jDs Why does the color of my coffee match your eyes? Why do I see you when a stranger passes by? I swear I hear you in the whisper of the wind I feel you when the sun is dancin' on my skin and when it's raining, you won't find me complaining cause When I think about rain, I think about singing When I think about singing it's a heavenly tune When I think about heaven, then I think about angels When I think about Angels, I think about you The taste of sugar sure reminds me of your kiss I like the way that they both linger on my lips Kisses remind me of a field of butterflies It must be the way my heart is fluttering inside Beautiful distraction, you make every thought a chain reaction Anywhere I go, anything I do everything around me, baby, makes me think of you ohhh ohh ohhhh when I think about you baby yeah, yeah I think about you I love this song, it makes me think of addison so much, I love you. Roses Are Red....

nEw jOuRnaL! [24 Apr 2005|05:40pm] [ mood | crappy ] hey guys, lots have happened, im bout to start a new journal! o, anyways, give me some ideas for new names! luv ya lots Roses Are Red....

.:wOrKinG miRacLeS:. [21 Mar 2005|08:50pm] [ mood | grateful..for you Addison ] Today was a sem-good day. I mean I got up this morning and kept pressing the snooze button like 10 times, lol. So, my sister came in my room and pulled off my covers. It was like, NO, let me sleep. But anyways I got my CD player so I could listen to it on the bus. And I grabbed one CD, my Casting Crowns one. It was a good choice too. I think God wanted me to grab that one today so I could listen to it. SO anyways, im sitting on the bus listening to this CD. Man all of these songs are speaking to me and just lifting me up. It made my day so much better, you don't even know. I just started thinking that I was going to have a good day and set a good christain example. And for the most part, I did. I mean I didnt cuss of disobey teachers or anything and I wasnt mean to anyone that I know of. But it just made my day brighter listening to that CD. In first period we had a quiz/test and I did good bc the material was easy. It was my Geometry class. In second period me & stephy were our goofy selves. We were so loud and we did you strawberry skit. It was so funny and the people across the hall asked us to get quieter. SO i felt bad. But we talked about our boy dilemmas! I had been having some doubts about me & addison so we talked about it. (everything will work out steph) But in third we got our quizzes back, thats my spanich class and I got a 30 out of 30. Aint that awesome?? I was really happy considering I usually get bad grades in that class. Well, in 4th period we had this weirdo sub who kept fixing his hair. Everythime he raised his arms up you could see big pit stains in his shirt. It was so gross. We watched Grease in there. In fifth period we had to do stupid notes. They suck, I dont like notes. But anyways, I was supposed to do a lab report today but it looks like it will be turned in late now. Oopsie! But then in 6th period we had a sub also. I was really nice to him and he was really nice to me also. We had to do vocabulary and a pronoun exercise. But anyways, he had a radio voice. I had musical practice until 5 30 today. Man it was fun for the most part but I had something on my mind. I saw Kevin and I just kept thinking of Addison and thats all my mind was on. I mean I just was thinking about how I had hurt him. And it hurts me so much to see him hurting. Well, after prac today Kev took me home and then Amanda told me Addison had called. SO im like oh great, what am I gonna say? and so I call him anyways and he says he has to eat and he could tell something was wrong with me so I could tell he was about to cry right then and there. So he called and my stomach started hurting REALLY bad. I mean I thought I was going to puke right there. But luckily I kept my bodily fluids in. lol. Ok, not funny. But I talked to Addison about everything that was bothering me and we worked everything out. I mean it was really emotional with us both crying and everything but I kinda liked it, that sounded weird. But oh well. Im so so happy we talked and everything is worked out. I would explain the whole thing but I would be here all night typing. Thats about all I have for today, not much else to say. I love you Addison with all of my heart. I mean it this time, I promise. I'll talk to yall kida layta. <3 jEnnIfEr dAnIElLe aRp & jDs 1 Rose Roses Are Red....

.:hOrmOnEs:. [13 Mar 2005|01:41am] [ mood | amused ] hEy kiddos. sorry there was another lapse in my entries!! my bad, lol. But anyways, im at Steph's house right now because technically yesterday was her birthday. But right now she's having a birthday party. And were all just kinda sitting around and w/e. But anyways, i dont really know what to say. We've had a lot of insiders and everything so hey w.e. But I gotta go cuz I wanna look at pictures. Hey love yall. <3 jEnnIfEr dAnIelLe Roses Are Red....

.:bEtrAyaL:. [28 Feb 2005|07:21pm] [ mood | betrayed ] hey guys. You ever wonder why no matter how hard you try to please someone, they never fail to let you down? Well, I always wonder that. I mean you try so hard for that person just to be there and let them know your there and your care but they never get the hint. You can do everything for them and they still wont stop and pick up your pencil. ANd i know that sounds funny, go ahead and laugh. But I mean it just burns me up how inconsiderate people can be. I mean I can be that way sometimes but I know im better than some others. And I also hate how you give your all to someone and all of your trust and they turn around and let you down. I hate to be let down and I hate letting people down so I try my hardest not to. I mean if you tell someone something you usually expect them to keep it to themselves. If it be friend to friend, sister to sister, or girlfriend to boyfriend..you expect it to be kept between you and the person you told. How awful is it when a friend leaves you to be with someone else? It hurts so bad and they never know because they are so selfish and stuck on themselves. I mean do you ever realize how you can meet someone before they meet someone else and a month after meeting that someone else they are a different person? I know a couple of people like that. They were great friends before they met "the other"! But then they completeley changed and let someone else lead their life. Do you ever realize that some peoepl can be controlled so easily? I have, one says..jump..the other says..how high? You are under a constant watch and cant live your own life because someone else is doing that. Or what about the other end of the spectrum? You could be the one controlling someones life! How could you live by telling someone what to do every milli-second?! Please tell me that. Some of these things just really bother me and it feels horrible when all of them happen. Think about all of this when you read it? Ever felt this way before or better yet..have you made somone feel this way before? <3 jEnnIfEr dAnIelLe aRp & jDs 1 Rose Roses Are Red....

.:sKiiNg:. [25 Feb 2005|03:53pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] hey hey! well today was your ordinary get and go to school day. It was okay, nothing unusual happened. I got up and got dressed, didn't put any make-up on and hopped on the bus when it was freezing cold outside. I went to first period and heard the usual cussing, talking, yelling. Nobody did anything different from any other day. I mean nobody cared what tomorrow was going to bring they just lived for today as if tomorrow was never going to come. I was one of those people. I went to second period and just kinda sat there, I didn't listen to the teacher and I didn't pay any attention to anything around. Third period was no different and my teacher made me look stupid because I spelled nine-hundred wrong in spanish. So, that made me mad. But fourth period, fifth period, and sixth all passed along and were over. Does anybody know what im talking about? Everyone says at school to be prepared for college and think about your future. SO, that's what were supposed to do right, live our lives in fear of failing at something else? Another point...at church everyone tells up to live for the moment, for you never know what will happen next. Now tell me what we are supposed to do. God tells us to live for now because you never know when your time will end. SO were no supposed to listen to what teachers say and go with God, right? WRONG! This is the way I see it, we need to live for the moment and live for the future! Now, how mad would you be if I just stopped there and didn't explain to you what I mean? Well, here's what I mean...we as christians are supposed to follow God's will and live for him and witness to people and share the gospel. Does every single christian do that every single day, every chance they get? No, of course they don't, we're not perfect. But if we dont witness to people before they die then they are going straight to hell. Think of your sweet old grandmother who you dearly love. Even though she's sweet as ever she's not going to heaven, because you didn't do what God said and witnes to her. She could die tomorrow and go to hell, whose fault would it be? We need to live every day of our lives to the fullest, like it was our last. But also keeping in mind that until we do die, we need to live life as if today depended on tomorrow. Remember, today's choices determine tomorrow's outcome. So when you are in school, do your work, listen to your teachers, but also witness to people and share the word as if you were dying tomorrow. Don't think im perfect im the same way. I don't witness to people everyday, not even by my actions. But im only sharing this because I think we all need to work on it. I love you guys! and if you have any questions, post comments. lol, it might be a bit confusing. <3 JeNnIfEr dAnIeLlE aRp & jDs 2 Roses Roses Are Red....

.:wHoa!:. [24 Feb 2005|04:34pm] [ mood | cheerful ] HEY KIDDOS! well, sorrry I havent wrote in a while. IM sorry stephanie, I will try to write at LEAST once a week? Is that ok with you? But only writing right now to be a dork & a nerk with Stephanie. You should be very proud of me right now! But anyways, loads has happend. I got back together with addison the very day we broke up. Yeah I know it's insane but hey I love the boy, what can I do?? Hmm, what else. I really cant think of anything because my life isnt that interesting. I tried rollerblading with some eels, it wasnt fun. They just kept stinging me. I got a new pet chia! (get it, a chia pet??) Not really, just a joke. IM so silly, arent I? But really, I feel so amazing right now like everything is going to be okay in the end. It's an awesome feeling and I love it so much. I love addison so much. I was reading a conversation between me & addison from a LONG time ago and it was crazy! It made me cry and realize how much I really do love Addison. I mean it was an insane conversation. And it was really sad aldso, here's an excerpt: jbAbi546: i dont know what i would do without you..seriously prolly fall over dead myself..but bein friends with you is makin it so much worse..you messed with me hopes and dreams and that is the worst..you made me hope for stuff and LED ME ON SO FREAKIN MUCH IT MAKES ME SICK ironingboard6079: it makes me sick too cuz i cant belive i did that i am so sorry but look in the long run .. i dount we wooda stayed togetehr for too long cuz church reationships in the youth group dont last too long ironingboard6079 is away at 11:15:27 PM. jbAbi546: ADDISON THATS A LIE AND A HALF! YOUVE NEVER TRIED IT AND TALKED TO ME ABOUT IT TO SEE..IF I KNEW YOU THOUGHT LIKE THAT THEN I WOULDA MADE IT A POINT IF/WHEN WE BROKE UP TO BE YOUR FRIEND AND STILL TALK TO YOU..i couldnt stand it whil eyou were in brazil ( i would tell you something but it would bring back the stalker image) and also if you woulda just tried it and it didnt work out you woulda made me happy to last 80 years...i woulda been happy that you just tried it..i dont know if i believe thta you EVER liked me once in your life..i was and always have been someone to flirt with and do crap to! AINT THAT CRAZY?! Well, reading that made me realize how mnuch I love addison & truely want to be with him! I mean ive really been acting STUPID lately. Addison is finally giving me my chance that ive waited so long for and IM trying to throw it away! what the crap is up with that? im stupid and im really happy that I read that whole conversation so I could realize what I have. Oh man it makes me so happy. well listen to this..aaron pickard had a talk with the guys at D w0w talking about how they need to be respectful to their girlfriends and not touch them abd be all over them. Apparently Jeremy thinks Addison wasn't listening to aaron. He's been talking to me telling me that addison's behavior isnt right and addison thinks he's excluded from the rules. Urgh it makes me so mad! BUt then again Hannah chirps up and tries to say the same thing. HANNAH IM SORRY GIRL BUT YOU DO IT TOO. EVERYONE DOES! sorry i had to get that out, lol. well me & addison didnt sit by eachother in sunday school which was kinda cool because sometimes we just need to be apart. well, i love addison, stephanie loves adam, amanda loves steven, brooke loves jared, hannah loves adam, sarah loves trey! that's alot of love! see yall kids layta! (happy steph??? you better be!) <3 JeNnIfEr dAnIElLe jDs & aRp 1 Rose Roses Are Red....

.:d wOw:. [06 Feb 2005|09:39pm] [ mood | exhausted ] hey kiDs! well, I just got home and im EXHAUSTED! Oh my gosh we had D-wow this weekend. It's the most tiring thing! I mean we always stay up so late, not good. But I mean what can we say, we're girls who like to have fun. Heres the rundown.... Friday: Brooke and Jared came over and picked me & amanda up for d wow. I got at church and me and Addison had been talking about breaking up but then he was totally against it so the plan failed. Everytime I try to do this, I fail. But anyways we ate Marks Feed Store and it was actually good. I really liked it and I usually don't. BUt it was fun and Hannah was gettin on my last nerve. We stayed at the Bradfords house and it was awesome. There were 10 girls there and our 2 Leaders. The leaders were Erin Price and Emily Cave. Oh I love these to terrific leaders. I love Erin to death because of her personality and I feel like she's there if I need to talk to someone. ANd Emily is the same way but I love her sence of humor. But anyways we had some fun group times and it was all great. We went to bed around 2ish...me & Brooke, we got real hyper and couldnt go to sleep. Saturday: Well we woke up semi-early. I don't exactly remember waking up. weeird! But anyways we went to Rocksport and it was awesome. I climbled 4 walls. At first me & addison were fighting but then I talked to him a lil bit and got over it. It was stupid anyways. I was really proud of myself because I made up this hard wall. It was scary and tiring. At first I kept failing but then I FINALLY made it to the tip top. I was proud. But then we all went back to church and ate chick-f-let?! I dont even know how to spell that. BUt it was real good. SO we went home to the Bradfords and had our session and then me & Brooke played guitar, fun times. THere was a trampoline crew but , not gettin into that. BUt anyways, I had drank some red bull at rocksport and boy was I hyper. I was runnin around and jumping like an idiot. ANd Erin was jumping with me. It was halarious. bUt we were so hyper and it was fun. BUt then we had another session and erin & emily TRIED real hard to play my guitar. Too funny! We went back to the good ole church after that and ate SUbway and had our worship session, it was awesome. Then we went home and had yet another session. I think I got a lot of things mixed up on what order things happened. THe funniest thing was when erin & emily taught up camp windshape songs. Peel banana peel peel banana..lol Sunday: I went to church and me & addison broke up. I really just wanted to take a break but...I dont feel like writing anymore! I'll write more layta! <3 JenNifer 1 Rose Roses Are Red....

.:hAviN a haRd tiMe:. [03 Feb 2005|11:37pm] [ mood | i feel like crap ] OH man! WHY ME??? I am talking to Addison right now and I don't have the courage to tell him what I was going to tell him. It makes me so mad, you don't even know. I just can't find it in me to do it. I mean he's bein a complete jerk right now and acting like im stupid so it's like the perfect time to do it. Im wondering if we could just take a break just for this weekend. But I just said something to him and he's flipping out. It's not good and it scares me because he's like no we can't break up. I mean I feel bad because I dont want to ruin his weekend but then again I really want to do this. A test of love, because I dont know what IM feeling right now. I mean I just want to see if I want him back after the weekend. Which would suck if I didnt for him but...CRAP, i think he's cryin. I dont want him to cry. I cant handle it right now. This hurts so much to hear him cry. I feel so bad right now but i dont know what to do. Oh man i think I want to die right now. I cant stand it. I feel like he keeps callin me stupid and askin me why. I ust cant find the words to say. Roses Are Red....

.:oVeRaNaLyZiNg:. [03 Feb 2005|06:41pm] [ mood | full ] Oh man I haven't wrote in a long time! I got lots of stuff to wirte. Well, me & addison are all out of whack right now! I meAN im still confused on whether I want to be with him or not. I mean he makes me so happy yet so depressed at the same time. Oh it's so confusing! I need to exaplin this so when he asks me I can just read him this entry. ok, umm he says we are going to get married, and in a way that scares me. I mean its all good and I know he means it. But I mean what if I get way too far into this relationship and something happens. I mean he says im perfect for him and he loves me and all this BS, but maybe it's not BS. Maybe he's bein serious. But if im perfect for him then why did it take him so long to go out with me. Did he not want commitment, was he too busy with other girls, or did he never give me a chance? I mean maybe im just overanalyzing everything. Im not sure, I hope not. But D-wow is coming up this weekend and I don't want him to get in the way of God. He has a way of doing that. And im not even sayin that he is the only one to blame for it but he does have a way of doing that. I mean I LET him get in the way, not on purpose I just lose focus and then all is lost! (stephanie, ALL IS LOST! ALL IS LOST! lol) But seriously I just get lost and can't get back on track. Im really wanting to take a break for this weekend and see what happens, I mean im thinking that im gonna be back with him before the weekend is over but then again, who knows. I just need to think about things and what I want. He's gonna be upset but I need to do this. I just don't know! But addison if you DO read this then, know that I love you but sometimes there's just things you need to do, this is one of them. Im done bein all gloomy though. Here's some inside joke for you to get confused with..... -"WaFfLeS!" -"They just ran outta money!" -"I got rrruffles in my teeth..!" -"Someone got nervous and let one rip.." lol, austin -"Twiddling thumbs and staring out into the distance.." -"aLL is Lost!" -"im not just gonna die in the street!" -"brooke, i think im dyin!" (makes funny face) -"mmm jumping jacks.." well, right now i cant think of anymore, if you think of some put them on my comments and i put them in my next entry. Well, guys I love you and I hope D-wow will bring more inside jokes to remember forever. I love yall! <3 JeNnIfEr dAniElLe jDs & aRp Roses Are Red....

hEaDaChE!! [29 Jan 2005|02:09pm] [ mood | drained ] Oh man I am soo tired.. you don't even know! I am feeling really sick right now and it sux! im so drained and oh lord I just wanna go back to bed and sleep. And I even went to bed at 12 last night and woke up at one today in the afternoon. So thats 13 hours of sleep and im still tired, so I guess more sleep makes you more tired. THIS SUX!! Man im gonna hit Adison upside the head, makin me sick like that! lol, jk. But I had a good day at school yesterday and im happy. And Addison came over also and it was fun. We were supposed to go over Brookes house after she called us but then Jared wasn't comin over so we just decided to stay here. Which was no big deal. So we just stayed here. It was fun and im happy he came over. We was all over the house, lol, like runnin around. I was tryin to get the honey from him cuz he kept puttin it all over his crackers. Lol, i about dies laughin. And also he always laughs at me. Im happy to see him laugh & make him smile. I wish he could come over agian today. It felt so good havin him here when I am sick. I mean it was awesome. We got on the internet for a lil bit and we also took a nap. Lol, I was gonna say we slept together but then I figured someone would take that the wrong way. SO we took a nap together instead. It was really awesome because it felt good to just lay there in his arms in complete silence. But then he started snoring! lol, i was like boii..you gotta stop that. lol, both of our noses were all stopped up and stuff. SO thats why he was snoring. But we both feel asleep for a little bit until his dad got there. But heres a funny story..we were laying there sleeping and my mom comes to the steps and says ADDISON YOUR RIDES HERE! So it scared the crap outta me and I jumped and feel off the couch. Lol, i didnt even care, I just ran over to the light-switch and turned it on. But he has my shorts and I want them back, lol. BUt anyways it was really fun and romantic. I like spending time alone with him because we just talk and laugh and carry on. But im bout to fall over dead here so im gonna talk to yall kids lata..here's a song to think and ponder upon, or to get stuck in your head. Well... -------------------------------------- Who am I by Casting Crwons Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth Would care to know my name Would care to feel my hurt Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star Would choose to light the way For my ever wandering heart Not because of who I am But because of what You've done Not because of what I've done But because of who You are I am a flower quickly fading Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean Vapor in the wind Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord, You catch me when I'm falling And You've told me who I am I am Yours, I am Yours Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin Would look on me with love and watch me rise again Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea Would call out through the rain And calm the storm in me Not because of who I am But because of what You've done Not because of what I've done But because of who You are I am a flower quickly fading Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean Vapor in the wind Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord, You catch me when I'm falling And You've told me who I am I am Yours I am Yours Whom shall I fear Whom shall I fear 'Cause I am Yours I am Yours <3 jEnNiFeR dAnIeLlE jDs & aRp Roses Are Red....

..after church!.. [26 Jan 2005|08:24pm] [ mood | grateful ] hey guys. I talked to Addison today at church. Like as soon as he got there I was hiding from him under Adam's jacket on the floor. And Stephanie and Adam told him I went upstairs. But then I started crackin up laffing as soon as he walked out so I think he heard me. But anyways he came in there and told me to come to come talk to him. Well, I was REALLY nervous and I didn't exactly know what to say. He was like, I don't wanna break up and I just wanna stay together, and I don't see us apart. It was amazing hearing him say all of this though because it made me feel ten times better about everything. LoL, but he started talkin about ten years from now and goin bankrupt and tellin me not to run away from everything. I was like buddy, are you insane?! But we worked through everything. We talked last night until 2 and then I couldnt take it anymore so I HAD to go to bed. He said he stayed up til 3,cryin because he didnt wanna break up. I was about to just die right there. It was so sad and it broke my heart. He said he was hurting today all day and esp when he had to run and im all he thought about. So i was upset and I just wanted to cry right there. But I didnt, i just let him talk and I just listened. I about broke down though. It hurt so bad to see that I was hurting him and it broke my heart. But we got it worked out and were happy. Robert watched me play guitar today, it was funny. But i gotta get offa here and get goin. OOOOhhhh Addddison..lol well see ya... <3 jeNniFeR dAnIeLle jDs & aRp Roses Are Red....

tOaStEr sTreUdEl (spelled wrong?!) [26 Jan 2005|01:56pm] [ mood | anxious ] well..i talked to addison last night. It was really scary. ALTHOUGH MISSION WASNT ACCOMPLISHED! I talked to him so I could take a break from him but he wouldnt let me..oh its way to stupid and confusing! well i tt him today in text messages and he said he loved me soo much..so i was like..ok ily 2/ But ergh, IM eatin toaster streudels right now..lol so..i got church tonight, there might be an update later! Today's song theme is BROKEN! Broken Seether ft. Amy Lee I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well I wanna hold you high and steal your pain ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away --------------------------------------------- Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts That every long lost dream led me to where you are Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms This much I know is true That God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you --------------------------------------------- A Broken Wing by Martina Mcbride She Loved him like he was The last man on earth Gave him everything she ever had And he'd break her spirit down Then come lovin' up on her Give a little, then take it back And with a broken wing She still sings She keeps an eye on the sky With a broken wing She carries her dreams Man you oughta see her fly ------------------------------------ Beautiful Broken World by Warren Barfield In this beautiful broken world We laugh and then we cry There's a wonderful pain and joy In death and in life yeah, yeah (Yeah this is life) Oh, we are living in this beautiful broken world Yeah, yeah, yeah... see ya later! <3 jEnNifEr dAniElLe jDs & aRp Roses Are Red....

mY SoLuTiOn!!! tY [25 Jan 2005|02:30pm] [ mood | stressed ] well..i had school today and it was ok. I had a test and I completely bombed it! Makes me irritated but I'll have to deal with it, it's my fault. But anyways I talked to Jeremy today and he told me that him and Kirsten have taken a break from eachother. Im like oh really? And Im sittin here thinkin about me and Addison and im thinkin thats it, my solution. I think I might ask Addison if we can take a break. I just can't stand all this right now. I need to figure out what I want and what is best for me. I really NEED a break though its just Idk if i can stand it. I mean I just need to focus on God and school right now. I mean I need Addison but not if it's gonna be really crappy. I mean I feel like I get mad at him for everything and I feel like we can't support eachother. I mean not just me not supportin him but him supporting me. I don't think I can support him because he has no time for me. I mean we talk and everything it just seems like he ALWAYS has something to do. I mean I just wanna be able to call him every once in a while and him not say ..well i'll call you back later. I mean he has track which is very stressful because he is always there and doing something. I mean its not THAT much except every day after school. But im not complaining that he does it becsue I don't want him to not be involved. But then on Thursdays AND Tuesdays he has bball practice and I hardly ever get to talk to him. Its like boy, CHILL OUT! I mean he's always runnin somewhere. And now I see why his parents don't want him going everywhere. I mean he already is everywhere, he doesn't need to be out with me. I also feel like im ALWAYs in the way or interfereing. I don't want to interfere. I think thats why his parents aren't too fond of me. He needs to work on his school work. So, I don't even know what the heck I need to do. And also he can't support me because of all of my mood swings and issues. I mean me and my family are in all sorts of crap and it's so insane. Addison has came from and awesome family who is just perfect with Erin and Megan. Oh it makes me so sick. And besides that, im JEALOUS of Addison's family. I mean it's like why couldn't they be MY parents. Addison takes all of his things for granted too. I mean im so emotional about everything and I get upset. But idk, im gonna talk to him today. Maybe he will understand. But who knows, i hope all goes well. See yall kids layta... <3 jEnNifEr dAniElLe jDs & aRp Roses Are Red....

pRaiSe bAnD! [24 Jan 2005|09:23pm] [ mood | energetic ] YAY! I had a really good day today. It was awesome because nothing bad happened to me. I mean I went to school and everything was fine. I mean Im so happy because I hardly ever get into arguements at school or find anyone that absolutely HATES me, so im happy. But anyways, we had a sub in 1st, which is a plus, then in 2nd we watched The rise or Evil (hitler's story!), and then in 3rd we ..hmm I don't even remember. We prolly got yelled at by Mrs. Costa. lol..in fourth we had a sub, Mr King. We had so read some stupid huimanities papers, yeah reading, im in choir! Oh well, im 5th we had a test review and I think I almost went blind because the sun was shining on my desk and I actually had to LOOK at my desk. Hmm.. and in sixth we had a sub also and we had to read Julius Caesar and I was Brutus, the person with the MOST lines! great. Well, Stephanie came over here today after school and we got on the internet. It was TOO funny. We got on Addison's screen name and messed with peoples heads, oops! It was mainly Kim but hey, hope she doesn't get mad if she finds out! Umm anyways we went to church for praise band practice and it was AWESOME! Man everyone was just letting beautiful sounds come out of their instruments and mouths. Oh it was so freakin awesome, I wish we had it again tomorrow. But anyways we ordered pizza and me & adam had a weenie test or sumthin like that, lol. We had to eat banana peppers it was too funny. But yeah it was awesome and we have it next monday too, so yay. But i gotta go its bedtime for me, well sorta! lol see ya.... <3 JeNnIfeR dAniElLe jDs & aRp Roses Are Red....

wHoa! [23 Jan 2005|08:59pm] [ mood | exhausted ] hey! today was awesome and I made some good decisions. Well, we had church today so I got to see Addison. And when I saw him all I could think was good thoughts. I think what my problem was that I was thinking about what everybody else was saying instead of listening to myself. Which isn't good so next time Im gonna try to keep my mind from wandering off. So yeah I felt awesome today seeing Addison, it was just an amazing feeling. Because I could tell that he had missed hanging out with me and missed seeing me so much. Since he had been sick and we hadn't seen eachother much. I mean basically today I just let him come to me, instead of hanging all over him, he hung all over me. Which always makes me feel good when he does that. So anyways, continued from the last entry. I think that I made a decision. I decided that im going to stay with Addison and just think of him as I did when I didn't go out. Which was like very loving and I paid more attention to him. I mean I just had the BIGGEST crush on him and it was cute. LoL. SO anyways im gonna work on treatin him better as I should so I think we'll work out and be fine. Well after church I went to Ci-ci's pizza, oh man it was gross. I wouldn't waste money there again. There was too much sauce on the pizza so it was nasty. So, word of advice, don't waste your money there! I saw JAmes Curry there and he told me to stick with addison because "he's loaded!". Lol, I said ok, but it was funny. Hmm...I think ive decided I might want to be a counselor. I mean from what im told, im good at it so maybe I might be able to do that. Idk, that was random. Hmm...I went to church early today and then I ate some ice, random again. Well praise band practice sucked, again. I hate praise band practice now that Aaron's not there. ALthough I guess it wasn't all THaT bad, who knows. Umm we ate some manwich and PB & J for our "snack" after church, It was good. Addison came over tonight. We practiced how to sleep together, lol. Yeah that sounds funny but I mean on how we will sleep, like me laying on his chest and etc. LoL. But it was fun and we were acting silly in front of Amanda so it was funny. buT laTer daYS! <3 JeNniFeR jDs & aRp Roses Are Red....

rEtReAt NiTe!! yiPeE [14 Jan 2005|02:29pm] [ mood | crushed ] Man oh man another drowsy day at pleasure ridge park high school. LoL..addison is sick and im like oh mygosh! its sad..but i got this retreat tonight and im sad bc addison cant go tonite..welli g2g bc im bored..lol see ya <3 jEnNiFeR jDs & aRp Roses Are Red....

sOo cOnFuSed!! [13 Jan 2005|06:56pm] [ mood | confused ] oh lordy I just woke up and im outta it! Today i had to go to school. bLah! but anyways nothing fun exactly happened. Me and Erin are into it right now and to tell you the truth..i couldnt care less. I know that songs really mean but I dont think I can handle bein Erin's friend, too demanding. I mean she has a bad day like every day and then expects everyone to treat her like a queen. So her & allison are stuck up eachothers butss right now so im like..umm ok Erin. But w/e No big deal. Well hmm today really was a sucky day b/c right after school I had to go to the doctor. I was like omgosh I dont wanna go. And I didnt just go for a check up..i had to get a freakin tetnus shot. Man oh mna Im a baby. lol i cant help it but i hate NEEDLES, they are way too scary. I almost cried when she brought that silly needle in there, lol Ya know what, im really gettin annoyed by my sister these days also. She just gettin annoyinger and annoyinger every single second. I mean at school she has no friends except mine. Im just like Amanda, go out there and get your own friends. I mean last year I was a freshman and I had to find my own friends. I didnt have a older sister to latch on to, which is good, im glad I didnt. I feel bad sometimes but I mean when I go to school I like to get away from everything at home but its impossible doin that when your sister RIGHT THERE. On a positive note..I went to church yesterday and I actually had fun for once. Kayla Yates came and while I was up onstage we kept smilin at eachother, it was great b/c that just let me know we were ok again. I was just like yay im glad we can work things out and not hold grudges. And i think shes goin on the prayer and fasting retreat tomorrow so im excited. Im so happy about the retreat though. Im excited because I think everyone in our whole youthgroup needs to get their focus back on track and esp some sophmores. LOL, yall know what im talkin about. But im excited bc i know it'll get me closer to God and right now thats what I need. shh...this is a scret but..ever since Ive been goin out with addison ive gotten further and further away from God. Its really scary but I dont wanna be far from him, all I want is to be closer to God right now. I think everyone in the youth group is feelin this way but im not for sure. It really seems like it though. iDk! Well im so confused about me and addison these days. I mean I havent exactly told anyone i dont think but im finding myself not wanting to be with addison sometimes. I mean some of the stuff he does just bothers me and then everyone sayin stuff. I mean everyones like Addison is gonna break her heart but then again I think it might be the other was around sometimes. I mean heres the story..weve said I love you to eachother and everyone knows that so its like..ok. But anyways they are all sayin that addison doesnt mean it and we shouldnt be sayin it. so im thinkin you know what, ur right. I mean I just think if he truely loved me he wouldnt do some of the stuff he does. I dont have specfic examples, sorry guys. But then again i find myself wondering if i love him, or even if i like him. Ive liked him for so long that its crazy and i think the feelin has kinda drifted. Man i cant believe im sayin this. Whoa now that ive said that I see it now. And I think..i dont know what I think. I mean he talks about marriage all the time and I really wanna marry him, but is that because Ive liked for so long or bc i love him? I mean he just annoys me so much, omgosh this isnt cool. Ive never noticed these qualities in him before, i just dont like them. He also has some anger issues and when he does get mad he stays mad for a long time. Im so clueless and now im just finding that I need to think about this stuff right now. But then again, i think about it and i LOVE being around him and it makes me so happy but then i think bad thoughs about him and pick out his bad qualities and just think, i dont want that. But yeah i love bein around him and omgosh im so confused, what have i gotten myself into?!?!?!?? well i gotta go, needa think. <3 jEnNiFeR jDs & aRp (?) Roses Are Red....

aFtEr sChOoL [10 Jan 2005|02:13pm] [ mood | well..sorta! ] well oopsie! haven't wrote in here in a lil bit! lol..ive been busy and to tell you the truth i forgot i had a journal!! Things are going good for me though! Christmas has came and so has New Years. For Christmas I got everything I wanted. I got all the clothes I asked for and just had a really good Christmas. I mean it was REALLY good. Addison came over and gave me my present which was a teddy bear from Build-A-Bear. It's purple witha purple ribbon around its neck and purple ribbons on its ears..adorable. And I got to meet ALL of his family. It was great, I really feel like they liked me and accepted me..like I had to take some test, and I passed. But otherwise my life has been pretty normal. I mean I started school about a week ago and I have been doing my homework! WhOo hOo! gO jEnN! LoL...but forreal i think i got like D's & C's last semester so it was like ooPs! Hmm..me and steph have sorta gotten torn inbetween and the Brooke and Hannah stuff. But im pretty sure things will get better. We both just get a lil jealou sometimes..it'll be ok though. Im SURE of it! Although plusses..ive gotten more cloes friends that I can talk to and not just one..sure quality is better than quantity but..if you can have a quntity of friends with quality..y NOt?! lol..hope nobody takes that offensively. But Kayla and I have sorta kinda been tryin to work some things out. I mean she was a close friend and i just want things back to normal, ya know no talking about eachother and truthfully it wouldnt be that bad to talk on the fone sometimes. Well maybe we will get things straight soon, hopefully. I got praise band practice tonight and im excited! yay oh yeah I got a new guitar case yesterday. And I took it to church yesterday and Amanda and Addison carried it up and down the stairs! lol..i was like "i dont wanna carry it!" lol..oh well guess i'll write more some time..hopefully tomorrow. Well late! <3 JenNifEr daNiElLe jDs & aRp Roses Are Red....

bored! [23 Nov 2004|04:45pm] [ mood | blah ] hey hey.. today pretty much stunk! I didnt get much sleep last night because i was on the phone all night. Well, not ALL night, just until about 12:40. That's not that late..is it? Oh well. I had to go to school today. School is NOT my favorite thing to do and/or go to. I mean it seems all I do is waste my time there. I hate is, hate is a pretty strong word but what can i say? I've been thinking a lot today. Mainly about the future and what it hold for me. I love addison. Oh that's weird actually verbalizing that. But, seriously, i've never felt stronger feelings for anyone in my whole entire life. He IS the love of my life. I've been wondering how long we will last. He says we are going to get married. Guys aren't really up for much commitment. So, what's addison's deal? Is he on crack? lol, i dont know! I wonder if he is "in love". I know I am but what about him? I mean whenever im around him i just never wanna leave him, I want to stay there until we die. I mean seriously if I could spend every waking moment with him..I would. He means so much to me. I wonder about the future and how we are going to make it through High school..AND college? I mean c'mon now..how many married couples do you see that actually started dating in high school and made it and are happily married. Well, I personally don't know too many. Oh well..hope God favors me..lol..jk! But forreal..I see us married. I can see me looking into his beautiful brown eyes on our wedding day, holding hands. I can see his kissing my forehead when im sick. I can see me waking up to the scent of his sweet smell and his arm around me. I can see us watching the kids in the back yard..and watching them grow up. I mean ..classic I know but what can I say?! Oh well..i get to go to the movies tomorrow and see 'the incredibles' im excited..addison's goin. But I'll write later! see ya <3 *jEnNifEr* Roses Are Red....

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